Hi Folks! Today - Healthy RELATIONSHIP & PARENTAL tips - Whether you are looking to keep a new romantic relationship strong or repair a relationship that's on the rocks, these tips can help you feel loved and connected to your partner. In this episode, we also explore the meaningful lessons, struggles, and joys of parenting. Zupa and his guest, Foxy, a spiritual explorer.
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What is the best way to bring up a a new human being? If they feel unconditionally loved, they'll feel safe and then they'll trust you and they'll come to you when they get older with their questions. You know, they won't go to their friend or join a gang. Some cases could be money for sex. Um, you know, we're trading um in imitation, what we call imitation love. You saying that to get to choose the right partner we have to do work on oursel try to understand yourself. So the most important thing is I mean if you're doing something unconditionally loving is that you don't feel they can learn to manipulate at a very young age. Oh yeah. This one knows how to manipulate. Yeah. Trying to uncondition the conditioning that we've had. Hi folks. We are here with vlogger Zupa. Today we have Foxy. Foxy is a spiritual explorer, an expert on relationship. Let's talk about relationship, Foxy, because you've been through many relationships in your life and um you are an expert now. You I would say after what you've told me, you gave me a lot of lot of good tips and let's hope Foxy can share share this with us now. Yeah, thank you. you are super normally I'm not saying it all but most relationships are built on um a trade let's say trade from one another I do this for you do this for me um and those obviously those kind of relationships eventually they wear out like anything um you know um so yeah that is that part of that. Um so yeah, just where how far do we want to take this? So we it's uh um yeah, a trade um a trade. Yeah. Between two people, right? Yeah. And you what what do you trading here? Well, yeah, we're trading whatever, isn't it? It's in some cases it could be money for sex. Um you know we we're trading um in imitation what we call imitation love and uh that can be anything to get power praise pleasure from that person approval um and uh yeah we're trading that with one another and who whoever is the best at those trades um is the best at normally manipulation into getting exactly what they want from that person. Um, but really what it comes down to is that people, you know, as children we were never never felt unconditionally loved. Um, and our parents never got the same love um and their parents' parents because that was all that we knew was conditional conditional love. Um, so you do this for me, I do that for you. Um, and that's kind of where we are in the world today. Um, with, you know, most of everything that is happening, you know, what I'm observing. I mean, this is no criticism or judgment of anybody. This is just the way the world has been um, you know, um, say the world's been running on this program. Um, so yeah, and real love just gives you another option. It's another choice like everything in life cuz everything is a choice. So you say trading does it have to be trading? Does it have to be you trade something for something else that that's a because unconditional love of it's not about trading, right? Yeah. It's not about trading. This is about giving freely what you can to a situation or a person um without feeling obligated or feeling any kind of resentment um and not having expectations um around something that you may feel that you may need but you don't need. So unconditional love is giving freely. Um, and you know, if you're a person that is in that position to be able to do that and somebody else isn't and you know, I give you a situation and somebody says that um, you know, they want a certain thing for you from you or a certain thing for you to do and you're not able to do that then most people might feel uh, angry, disappointment. Um, so the most important thing is, I mean, if you're doing something unconditionally loving is that you don't feel someone says to to myself, I can't do that for you. I can't do this. I don't get angry. I don't get disappointed. It's it's just because I care about that person knowing that they that they're getting exactly what they need. you know, they're they're not doing they can't do what I've asked of them because they've got other plans or they've got other things that they need to do. So, you just accept them for who they are, that they're doing their best and that they, you know, that they've still got their own choices to make in life, you know, but a lot of people, they get upset, angry, disappointed with something because somebody cannot do something for them. Foxy, how would you choose your partner wisely to have a longlasting fulfilling relationship? Yeah, fulfilling unconditionally loving relationship which um
it's very difficult in the sense of if people have never had any feeling of unconditional uh love or any experience of it then it's going to be difficult through the conditioning that we have had of conditional love to understand or to know um which is the um how to actually to to feel and be unconditionally loving to others. Um so really um for people to get to any point of actually having a unconditionally loving um caring relationship before people get together that they it would be wise for them to um look at themselves and do their own inner work on themselves, their own behaviors. Um, so yeah, you know, they're aware if they're aware of their behaviors that they're doing, if you're critical or judgmental, um, you know, those kind of things, you know, and those behaviors and if you're getting angry and disappointed all the time and trying to control, those kind of behaviors don't help in a relationship. Um, and that goes for the other person who would be trying to control and get what they want, you know, because it's about and nobody's wants look the same. No woman, no man or wants are the same. So, it is really looking at ourselves and saying, "Well, yeah, and being honest and truthful." Um, that we're not perfect and taking our, let's say, our garbage into a relationship, both people, and you've got two lots of garbage, you know, going at one another. it's um it's not going to make for a healthy relationship. You know, it it's great in the first year that everybody's having their relationships and you know, the sex is great, the you know, the romance is great. Um but that only lasts so long. Uh like a brand new Ferrari lasts so long. brand new house, a marriage, you know, christening, uh, babies that, you know, reality, you know, dawns that you've still got to work together as a loving couple trying to love one another the best that you can. Um, without unconditional love, without working on ourselves, um, it's very difficult. And by saying working on yourself, what do you mean by that? Yeah. doing your inner work. Um, you know, looking at yourself as, you know, the behaviors that we have. Um, you know, we've all come through our lives having different experiences, different, you know, our parents. We've learned so much from our parents. It's about, you know, um trying to uncondition the conditioning that we've had in the way that we act. You know, like myself, I would have used critical humor. Um to be funny, to get people to like me, things like that. Um and that is just to get attention because it's you never had the attention when we were kids. So, you know, we use all kinds of uh um you know, all kinds of um what can I say? What's the right word for it? All kinds of tools cuz we've all got these tools that we've uh been given um through our conditioning to get what we need. So you're saying that to get to choose the right partner, we have to do work on oursel. Try to understand yourself. Yeah. Your needs before you actually venture out and form a relationship. Yeah. Without a doubt. Get to know yourself, what you want. Yeah. Know who you are. How long that can take? When when is the best age to to form a relationship? Yeah. And for everybody that's different, isn't it? How long it will take, at what stage. Um because it's like peeling an onion. It never really ends. This um you know, working on ourselves um removing different um behaviors. Um and they're always triggers, new triggers. Um, but it's it's mainly being able to sit with with the pain or, you know, from the triggers that can happen from different people, different places. Um, to be able to learn to sit with that and let that pass without reacting in a angry manner towards anybody. So, and that's the most important thing. It's not reacting to somebody else's pain. um you know um in our pain. So it's just um what pain are you talking here about Foxy? Internal our internal pain from not getting what we needed as a child, you know, our unconditional love. We never had enough love. We never had enough attention, enough care, enough holding, you know. Um so yeah and that is that's what we never got enough of and um you know connection. Are you talking all of us or some of us didn't get saying well you know from my own uh observation it's not everybody. I mean there will be some people that will will possibly be brought up in unconditional love in certain countries quite possibly but the percentage I would say is very low. Um you're probably looking at about 1% saying that the the problem is actually in our childhood. Well yeah it stems from our childhood. It's first of all uh children our parents feeling loved so they can love their own children. If the parents aren't feeling uh loved, how can they give love? You've got to love yourself first. And some people say, "Oh, you know, that's selfish." But it's, you know, it's the reality that you a child comes into the world. It doesn't come with love to give you. It gives you an appearance of of that it's love because it looks lovely. A beautiful little child. Yeah. That's what the babies look like. Yeah. But the the parent needs to get love first to be able to give love to the child so the child can grow up with love. All right. Are you uh would you say that being brought up in not the right environment with parents that didn't know what love is, you can still become a a a person that can love? Yeah, without a doubt. Everybody has it within them to change. There's nothing that you can't change about yourself. So that the childhood doesn't determine determin
will still be wounded. There still will be wounds. Um but we can work towards uh healing some of those wounds. We may not heal all in this lifetime. If you believe you know that there is a a life after death or another life beyond which which is quite what I believe that this is an ongoing process. It never ends. Um this the soul is eternal. Um, but we can do our best to be loving to one another in this life. And that's the most important thing that we're bringing love to every situation and not fear cuz the world is run on fear. This is this is the thing. This is what is happening all around the world. You know, it's all about the power, praise, pleasure, and that's a false sense of safety. You know, it's not real love. People seem to put that that is real love that somebody gives me pleasure, power, praise. All right, we've got our audience here that is demanding having that request. Real love. Look at that. Yes. Need some holding. Yeah, just like you said, didn't get enough. So, yeah, didn't get enough. And they need touch and holding as much as possible. So, how would you say what is the best way to bring up a a new human being? Well, to give them as much attention and as much choice as you can give them in in, you know, once they get to a certain age, they're obviously they're having their own experience and they're going to be taking in things from the world, but it is how we act. He's going to be looking at you. um and how you interact with other people around you. And children are like a sponge. They just soak up all of this, you know. Um they learn they can learn to manipulate at a very young age. Oh yeah. This one knows how to manipulate. Yeah. His dad doesn't. Don't you? Yeah. And it's only, you know, early life that they, you know, because they need a lot of attention. A lot of attention is is the key to to bring up a a happy child, would you say? Yeah, without a doubt. A lot of attention and you know, and the touch. Did you mention the touch? A lot of touch, a lot of holding, making sure they feel safe cuz that's the most important that you know through feeling loved, they feel safe. See, you know what Fox is saying, we need to do some work. Yeah. And not getting upset, not getting this is just they're doing their best. the children are learning from us. So it's you know it's um and a lot of things they're reading in our face uh you know our so tone of our voice. So it's very much keeping that tone of voice to the same level because if you raise your voice they'll they'll be aware that that's disapproval. So every time you raise your voice and this to them is not love because they feel oh daddy's upset. Daddy's upset with me and you're not upset with him. It's your own stuff. It's your own pain, you know, not him, you know. Okay, let's give him something to play so we can carry on our interesting conversation. This is what you're after. Here you go. You happy now, Wayne? Uh once we have a happy relationship, what about the the children? Uh in a lot of people say there's a movement about not having children, that there's no future, that the future doesn't look too bright, people are pessimistic. What's your approach on that take? uh the universe, you know, it's all about trusting the universe and and things will work themselves out the way they're meant to be. Um trying to live the the best way that you could possibly live for me my um would be um to be in the present. Um even though you need to plan financially for a future is is still always best to be in the present and you know things will work themselves out. Um just having that faith and trusting in the universe will you know it will. So the you wouldn't focus too much on the future or the past but focus on the present. Focus on the present and your time with your child or children in the present. And you know, financially, we all need to be responsible cuz life is still about loving and teaching responsibility um to our children. Um and people learning to manage that you know not just children but adults of you know we've all got to be responsible and responsible for any child you know as an adult because children don't have all the information that they need and information is the most important uh tool that you can express to anybody. information. Information. Whoever has the most information has the most um chance of succeeding in whatever they would, you know, whatever they want to take. Oh, that's interesting. So, our our job is to pass that the information to our children. Yeah. And let them make a choice. You know, when they get to a certain age, it's giving them the information. there is always going to be uh consequences whether they choose to take that choice from their parents um as they get older um you know it's not to control their choices but to give them all the information to make it clear that these this this these could be the consequences that they're going to face by making that choice. Um obviously is a so it's it's all about ed educating your children and passing them the knowledge you you have so they will make the right decisions and love information because love is not information love is the most important thing because if you is more important than information. Yeah without a doubt because if your child doesn't feel loved he's never going to be able to hear the information. Aha. Right. So, love is most important. Love, trust through love, unconditional love, the trust will build upon that. Um, and then they can hear the information that you're giving them. And you're still giving them the choice to make that choice that they want to make. Oops. And they have the information of what could be the consequences of those choices. So, love information. Yeah. Yeah. And what else would you say person needs to to bring up a happy child and well they need to feel safe. If they feel love they if they feel unconditionally loved they'll feel safe and then they'll trust you and they'll come to you when they get older with their questions you know they won't go to their friend or join a gang you know things like that which do happen. So would you say that people join gangs because they they don't have like a a loving parent out there that they could relate to and then tell them their problems. Yeah. Exactly. This is why, you know, they're recruited so easily because a gang makes them feel a part of something. They make them feel loved um in a way. Yeah. and and this is how children are groomed into those gangs because um you know it's not and this is no criticism or judgment of the parent it you know the world is moving pretty fast today um and a lot of parents have to work to make money of course um but this these are the choices when people choose to have children these are the issues for things that are going to come up that you know, can you give your child enough time? Can you give your child unconditional love? But first of all, you've got to feel that yourself before you even give it to your children. You've got to feel loved that, you know, that you don't need as much as what you think you need. You don't need to control, you know, um and to feel peaceful. to feel peaceful and loved yourself before you even contemplate, you know, having children, having a relationship. All right. Uh when when would you say is that like the best age for the child to go to a a place like kindergarten or the child would you say needs to stay with the parent? What's the best environment to bring up a child? Yeah. See, that's another thing, isn't it? Because um once our children start mixing in different environments, then they start picking up different behaviors from other children, from other people. Um I've known people to uh homeschool their children. Um because of that, you know, the influences that are out there that But the child needs to interact with with his peers. Yeah. And all you can do, you can only do your best to really give them the information around um what they're actually coming back from school with. So, and just make yourself available for them to share. And if they feel loved unconditionally, they will share information with you and say, "Dad, you know, this has been happening. I don't feel quite." and you can give them hopefully the information that will help them make a better choice for what they want to do going forward with that you know but this is still comes back to the parents feeling loved spending time with their kids um you know and the parents obviously getting what they need as well because they still need um to not feel empty and afraid you know we still need to keep ourselves topped up so you can love your kids without reacting in anger and you know when they do do something you know and they don't do anything wrong they're just doing what they're doing they're just children what do they know you know there's no interesting no no good bad right or wrong it's down to the parent to to love and teach their child responsibility you know Um but yeah and it's it's the probably the it's the toughest job in the world that you'll do. All right. The toughest job in the world. I believe that you know that is the toughest job that I mean it can be the toughest. Some people take it easy. Some people take it seriously and it's the most important as well. It's the most important job. Um once you bring a child into the world, that child is going to go on and you know for itself maybe uh hopefully make happier choices for him and the people around him, you know. So we all affect one another. We're all connected. We all affect one another and who's to say you know whose life they're going to affect in and in you know a positive way. Yeah. But then everything's positive. There's no, like I said, there's no real negative. It's just the way that we perceive things.
Right. Right. Foxy. So unconditional love. That's also like um it's uh foundation, right? You you used to go to that school. You told me about that earlier on. Can you can you tell us more about that? Yeah, obviously it's a foundation that we this is the the tools I guess that we've um been given. Um but yeah, the the the principles are of what you know what is going on in the world, isn't it? The power, the praise, the pleasure and that false say safe of uh you know false sense of safety that people believe in. Um, and unfortunately people are power is probably the most one that is people that are drawn to or whatever works best for their personality and the way that they've been brought up. Uh, you know, praise, pleasure, people will people please um to get what they need. Do I do this for you and keep doing this and doing this because they want something in return. This again is that trade, you know. Um, and all that really happens is that you get very tired because you're chasing your tail trying to please everybody and then you just end up burning yourself out really. Um, and power. People are making money. When is enough money enough? Constantly more and more and more and more and more. Then it carries on, doesn't it? the billionaires, what do you think they're doing? If they lose two billion on the stock exchange, they're trying to make it back, you know, and that becomes your life. You end up being encapsulated in that, you know, or, you know, indoctrinated into it as well, you It's also the same thing like I'm I'm on this YouTube business at the moment and you look at the other creators how they are doing and you're trying to you know you cannot compare yourself to another one because uh you you you're the only one you're unique everybody's different and kind of similar situation I would see to that and and life is a balance isn't it? There's nothing wrong with making money. There's nothing wrong with but there's a balance between making money and you know sharing what you what you can afford to share with others and helping change other people's lives you know um how much do we need um you know um uh we're talking today about relationships and forming a healthy healthy relationships, how, when, why? Um, what about being a single person? What would you say about uh can you be happy and single? Can a single person can a life time being single can be a happy life? Well, yeah. I think you do the work. If you've done enough work on yourself, you get to a place where you you you know you don't you feel uh secure and you within yourself and you know yourself and you know um I guess what's true, what's real and you know what's lasting. Um, and you know, unconditionally loving is is lasting because it's you're treating somebody without that need to get anything back from them. Um, and if you do that long enough, that rubs off and other people start to feel that love and then they want to give it back freely themselves, you know. um not always freely, but then that's something they've got to learn for themsel because they'll still try and control and and want you to be a part of their life. Um we call it clinging whereas people will cling to people. Um so then if there's something like that happening, you rather quit the relationship and be on your own. No, no, not necessarily. Not if someone's clinging. And this is just a part of their journey to learn that um in early days if you're loving somebody they will cling and they'll want more and more and more and more. Well that's fine if you've got it there to to give but they'll have to realize that at some point you'll have to say I'm not available you know and you know that will come back to them once they've got enough of what they need. they will stop clinging. You know that. But you didn't answer the question about uh life being single because for many people this is the the better way, easier way. Yeah. And we've been conditioned not to be single because society the way that we're all looked at is that you got to be married, you got to have a partner or you got to have kids, you got to have the house, you got to have the car. And I think that's already proven that it doesn't help people be happy. And you can't expect a partner to make you happy because how can they know what's going on in your head? And how can they ever give you what you need? The amount of things that are in your head, you know, we've all got different wants. No one's the same. you're, you know, and no one unless you actually can get inside somebody's head and read their mind, how are you ever going to know that that person? So, you really can only make yourself happy. No one else can make you happy. You only you. But then that is getting to a comfortable state of knowing yourself and knowing the truth really about that materialism and other people can't make you happy. Folks, today we had Foxy here who is an expert on relationship. He was talking about unconditional love and we also have Zenon who first time yeah in the studio. Yes. Zenon, can you say something? No, not quite yet. But next time Foxy will tell us more about getting and protecting behaviors. Uh I know what was his getting behavior. Yeah, he's very good with accents. Right. And that was your uh way of getting your attention. Right. Right. That's quite right, Zuper. Maybe we can explore that next time on the show. And uh yeah, it's been lovely to be here be here with uh yourself and Zeno. Thank you. Thank you very much. Cuz you yourself you've got natural your English accent, right? But uh what accents would you would you would you would you tell to the lady in the pub or Yeah, we'll cover that next time, I think, on the next on next part of the show. Next part of the show. Thanks for having me. Give somebody else something for somebody to look forward to. Come on. Give us an example, you know. Go Scottish one. No, no. Okay, we do the accents next next time. All right, folks. Thanks for watching this one. Hope you enjoyed it. And uh remember to like, comment, and subscribe. Uh, until next time, vlogger Zupa. Yeah. And Foxy. Thank you. Cheerio. Thank you, Zupa. And Zenon. Bye-bye.
